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"While we are waiting, lets go rollar skating, disco dancing all night" Sekiden

Tonight's Soundtrack: Belle and Sebastian

Tonight's Mood: Waxing lyrical with Megan

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It's holidays again. I seem to follow the same pattern when I am working. hang with Lauren. Go dancing. And laugh. It's my favorite blend of holiday bliss.

Thursday we ate fish and chips under the clear blue winter sky with grease dripping down our chins laughing as we ran home to watch Fight Club on cable.

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I guess it's the way it should be, just eating alot, and sleeping alot, seeing a lot of bands, listening to alot of music and clearing out alot of headspace.

I have really realised that there is just epic amounts of stuff I want to do in this life.

I want to be a rockgoddess, a famous social smuck, a fashion designer, a make-up artist, a fashion buyer, a stunt woman, a bond girl, a PR executive, a journalist, a radio dj, a jazz singer, someones mother, someones entire universe.

I want to be somebody. I want to make a differnce.

I guess I am in the rather premature status of doubting my future career. Starting to realise that maybe this Univerisyt thing isn't all it's made up to be, the shiny gloss my parents and private school education painted it with is slowing wearing off.

That makes me sad. There is such an insitution in this gloss. Such a mode of being that you can neatly fit into and then be granted a job, you life, your purpose.

I don't think I want my job to be my purpose. because maybe the job I am being conditioned for won't gel.

I like writing. I know, so yes maybe journalism is this thing that is going to be it.

BUT

Not many, well only very very few (2 infact) know that ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to be a make-up artist. And it sounds tacky. But this is what makes me happy.

How do you explain to the gloss, the pretty vennered life, that make-up is your happiness.

What becomes of you when the vennered glossy life is intolerable?

I just am beggining to wonder. The prospects are so endless. There are options. ALWAYS. And sometimes they are more obtainable then I might like to think. I just have to look.

And right now, I am beggining to look with great curiosity.

the then the now