2002-03-03
"Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don�t I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me?"
Saturday night I went looking for some nerds to eat with. These nerds came in the form of Mister Jack and Miss Lauren and we ate and after went to shake some ass... perhaps working off the copious amounts of candy I am rumoured to have consumed. *shhhhhh*
This Sunday Morning I got woken by my mother and taking to the emergency ward at an ungodly hour. My dutch grandad started hemmoraging during the night and they couldn't stop him bleeding. The next 7 hours were spent by his side as no one did anything, except change his blood soaked sheets every hour or so. My most loved crazy aunt drove up here. and I saw my grandmother cry for the first time in years. He needed us there because on the morphine he was crazy yelling in dutch, and we had to translate. I got really scared and after a while went home. He was admitted later on today, no one still knows whats fully going on.
After couldn't do anything else and Miss Lauren called, she took me to her huge family gathering in the mountains. Loads of Italian food and the most beauitful little kids running round with dark shining hair and bright eyes in gingham dresses. I love the way I am so included in her family, they are my second family. Plenty of "Ey Gino, you passa the meat-a-ballls eh?" and so much love. I like the way they kiss me twice on the cheeks, just like my dutch family, and like in my family the grandmother, nonna kisses me three times for good measure.
we drove home listening to lovely pretty music. I am feeling much better. It's strange how things go from bad, to worse to okay again.... and again. and then again.
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