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'We're on the Verge of....'

I just do not understand
there is beautiful words on my screen
yet the words down the phone line
cold angry cold

I want you to show me some light
to remember what we were like
but instead just blank tones
and explanations that always trail off

There is a kind of sad that I cannot express
that quiet lament that creeps upon me late into the night

when I think of you it creeps in again soft and low and thudding in my chest.

I do not want to forget - show me something that matters - make me feel like we were more than this - reduced to silence and anger

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I am reading anais nin again. this time she makes me the best kind of happy sad.

tonight i am painting. because something right down in my belly is saying i gotta.

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the then the now