2000-10-23
"Everytime I see you falling,
I get down on my knees and pray
waiting for that final moment,
to say the words that I can't say" Angie Hart
What a confusing world I live in, and perhaps it;s all my own fault. Perhaps if I was more open, perhaps if I wasn't so difficuly, perhaps if I say what I think and not think what I say so much, my world and my relationships would remain much clearer.
Mr X picked me up again the other night, it's getting a little full on, I mean I don't know what I want yet and we are doing couple things, coffee, movies, driving around the city, going to clubs and he's picking me up at my beck and call. The scariest part is I still do not know his intentions and whats worse I don't know my own.
In a strange way I know ut's wrong and we are on the same wavelenght yet live in different worlds, but my soft spot for him is growing, he's My Mr X, all mine, to do with him what I will, maybe thats what I like, but with him hours pass like moments and a quick call turns into an all night marathon. I enjoy his company, he compliments me, I giggle and I have a sense of security.
I've really wanted that, the sense of security for a long time, I feel safe with him, totally in his care, with him he makes the decsions and I enjoy it for all it is worth. I have not fallen though,,, we spoke the other night of gaurds and maybe it was my vague state of mind after seeing the cure and crying along to Lou Reed but I revealed that I am keeping up my gaurd, and I always do.
He told me he's been burnt,, and he knows I have been,, I can't help feeling that maybe this is not real, and all of this is just a feelting moment, shouldn't I be dating some school boy who drives his daddy's car and works at the local cafe, sneaking out to be with him and going to his place for dinner? Thats what I thought my world would be like right now, but it;s not, it's so much older, pubs and clubs, gigs and coffee. it's not innocent anymore, maybe thats what scares me I don't know.
I feel old my world is slipping away from me rapidly
---------------------------------------------------
"So what do you do?
oh yeah I wait tables too
No I haven't heard your band.
I guess you guys are pretty new" Dandy Warhols
Livid. Brilliant. Maybe the only exception is the 50 000 people that were there, that caused movement from stage to stage to take about 30mins which meant missing parts of sets or being standed on one stage. Saw B[if]Tek, Muse, Gurge, Augie March, 28 Days, Royal Crown Revue, Dandy Warhols, Yo La Tengo, The Cure and Lou Reed.
Best acts, Yo La Tengo were fucking brillaint, dancing in cicles and being gorgeous, Royal Crown were amazingly fabulous we danced, we sang and they made me so goddamn happy they are brilliant. Lou Reed, amazing redition of "Modern Dance"
'It's not much of a life being a wife,,,,,,
it's all downhill after the first kiss' -lou
The Cure did an breathtaking version of Trust,,, really spine chilling stuff, but otherwise were a dissapointment, I guess that put me off but Lou right after made me feel alot better, he's still a god, and jesus he's amazing.
"Place you trust in me"
.