2000-11-12
Kisses in a darkened alley
Summer sinking in
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End of exams. This w/e has been party central!!!! I feel so relived and so happy, it's just unbelievable, last night I realised what was happening and I relaised that my world will soon change rapidly. But instead of scared I am excited and my head is clear. This blissful feeling is washing over me.
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Last night I took Mr X to the big bash, the big big bash and it was fabulous. Kareoke all night, singing like idiots and drunken laughter. One of the best nights this year, guilt free and fussless fun, BRILLIANT!!!! It was kinda sweet everyone just asumed Mr X and I were together, well I was sitting on his knee all night, and I discovered something, he is really shy at times, and last night even though I was being quite blatent about my feelings towards him he was a little scared. But I just felt so safe there with him, and it was just so right. I love the way I neatly fit into his arms, and the way I can rest my head upon his chest and feel his heart beating. To be honest I am just so very happy. The night was great, he was great and now I think I know where I stand with him. I think we are together.
He called me today, like only mere hours after we had gotten home and asks me how I slept (because he knows I often sleep poorly) and he tells me that he slept really well because he was in such a good mood, and then he tells me his mood was better than good, it was amazing, because he was with me last night. WE are going out later in the week. I was saying how a few of my friends looked damn attractive last night and all he said was 'I've only noticed one person in this room tonight' and I kept leaving him to dance, and I caught his eye when I was dancing, all be it rather provocativly and he was watching me in awe, like with this look of amazement on his face, and when the song finishes I walk over and he is just grinning. It was so great.
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I often don't think of my dutch heritage, but today my grandma said something that made me cry, my mother was teeling us how something had hurt her and grandma said "Grandad and I made a promise when we left Holland, and when we left all the war behind us, that nothing could ever hurt us again, we only said that we would cry for our children, and now later our grandchildren, but nothing else". I adore her with all my heart and just thinking of the day that she might leave us guves me this incrediable pain in my chest, and I feel like I might die.
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