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"Life made in dreams lost in sleep descending..... if all we see is all to believe, then let the music play and let the good times begin" The Gentle Waves

It's Tuesday. Adeventures.

We ate too much bad pudding. (yeah yeah pudding can never be bad, but it's bad when it sits in the pit of your tummy and swirls around like beer the morning after a night out)

Annaki wrote me this letter, and I don't know if It's right putting it here. But I am going to. put extracts.. at the very least. I just adore her.

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Missing Megan,

......I spent half the day in the libary researching these men I am meant to be like (her work) in the hope that they would fill me in on what it's like to be like us and how I'm supposed to deal with this, the mess thats left my bedroom floor and found it's way into my head and heart.

.........So I've come to a descion, I am going to do this (UNI), not for james (tutor) not for my parents or even a stupid fucking number but because if I don't I'm going to start to become someone I don't want to be.

we have to remember that there's more at stake than a good outfit

YOU ARE EQUAL TO WHAT YOU CREATE

in love and architecture and letters and happiness

which is why I am writing this to you - your presence creates conviction and I am supremely grateful for your being.

hats off to megan.

lets make an exhibition of our life

(heart) anna

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So tonight I feel loved. Despite waiting on an email/call from Robbie.

And she's right. I always ask of people as to who they are by what they make.

I say 'who is he, whats his story, WHY is he??' and hope to hear something lovely.

I define people by what they put out.

I need to put out more. I need to put out more than some pop songs once a week on radio.

I need to put out more than saturday night giggles and band stories.

I need to put out more than writing, I feel it's not enough, but it comes so naturally.

This is megan and she writes..... alot.

I guess thats it.

But as I said to annaki today. I don't want to write a novel, I want to write about me, not even about me, more about the way things would be in an ideal world.

I've thought about zines.

I need more than Journalism, thats just it.

I want to be a ballet dancer, I want to be Carrie, I want to be a member of The Donna's, I wanna be the girlfriend, I wanna be an upwardly mobile indie kid with funds to fly my American friends out of their country during this shitty time, I wanna be a sunt woman, I wanna be a film star, I wanna be kylie, I wanna be a make-up artist, I wanna be a fashion designer, I wanna be a race caller, I wanna be a food taster, I wanna be able to act out Empire Records on stage on the weekends with my friends whenever we want..................

There is more, I prove it to myself time and time again..

I JUST WANT TO SCREAM LOVE AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS FOR ALL OF THE WORLD TO HEAR..............

eternity

the then the now