2002-06-23
"a performance deserving a standing ovation, and who would have thought it'd be the two of us?"
Thoughts and words and feelings and passion tumbling from my head, tumbling and making their way into emotional arguments and fist shaking until my voice becomes hoarse.
My entire sense of self needs realignment.
And what else is there to do but talk to my longest friend until the wee hours of the morning.... until I am so fierce, even she begins to furrow her brow.
The conclusion : I am going to Japan for the summer.
To live to love to remember to try not to forget. To go to punk rock shows, to touch snow and taste warm sake. To huddle in strip malls, to meet kids in that sqaure to scream not just for the sake of screaming.
So this week has been the climax to feelings that have been surfacing for some time. Thursday/friday perhaps the most physical reassesment of megan. and saturday the more mental one.
Last night, what else could we do but go out dancing? When there is nothing else left, there is still you and me and heels and drinks.
Drunk to the point of sober. I was full of fight, looking for something someone or myself. It was 3am. I step out of the club alone, furiously smoking and swearing.
I sit in the gutter next to a boy. He's eating. conversation starts. I tell him I am falling apart.
Turns out to be the most meaningful exchange I have had for some time, strangers surprise you.... and you know, he's that elusive boy we never go for, the enviromental student who has ideals that go further than the band he plays in. further than the art gallery he works at, further than the clothes he wears and the trips to Byron Bay.
It lasted for hours, until I was actually sober and the conversation still came loud and fast and with heads nodding furiously in agreement.
I laid it all down, I put it plain, he did the same. mutal outpourings of the contents of our existance.
I lost my voice. There could be great friendship in this boy.
and you know what I am falling apart. and thats okay.
I want to be it all. I want to scream from rooftops, "I wanna be there, I wanna take you there"
and I am going to fucking JAPAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"She was glad about it... no doubt about it She isn't sure where she's gone No time to think about what to tell them No time to think about what she's done And she was And she was looking at herself And things were looking like a movie She had a pleasant elevation She's moving out in all directions " - Talking Heads "all the stars in the world could not distract me from looking in your eyes, into who you are" Gavin Brice (awww, and he said I've changed in the past 6 months from danni to kylie...) *missing mister man lots*.