2002-08-04
Can we stop it becoming a constant?
Time has become blurred the only constant : this feeling that won't go away it simply subsides for a few hours and later peaks for a few more.
At work Ben said to me "You're great, but ultimatly you would rip me to shreds"
He's probably right. Thats the most absurd part, all I could do was demand a explanation... then nod and try not to think about it too hard.
I rip everything to shreds, yet for the most part the outcome isn't vocalised.
but I rip myself to shreds with the most tenacity. This then acts to justify my criticisms of others. [it's okay to think like this, because I think of myself with sentiments more destructuve than I would ever think of another person]
Perhaps all this stems from my world view that expects everyone and everything to explode into fireworks to constantly pulsate and burst into song...to surprise me and flicker and shimmer yet never fade out.
I get sad when things become stagnant, then I move into sabotage mode.
Doing anything, no matter how destructive to make things move along again. to make it better.
There is nothing worse than standing still.
.